It was September of 2005, she just turned 15 and was going on a week long vacation with her family on a cruise. This girl was not at all an ugly girl, she just never really had a relationship and thought her self as ok. She was not the kind of girl that ever got the attention from guys.


When she went on her cruise she was shy and thought she would basically be around her parents the entire time, that is until she met friends on the ship. She met some people they were unfortunately younger than her. There was one kid who insisted on dancing with her but very annoying, the entire group was trying to get away from him, and one guy actually stood up to her and said she was being a (female dog) for being so mean to this kid.


She could not believe this guy had the nerve to say that to her. It did interest her though.


They started hanging out and started going out, at least going out while on the ship. The problem with this scenario is that she was from Miami, and he was from Virginia. She was 15 and he was 17. According to him he said had she been any younger he could not pursue her.


This “relationship” was very innocent. The most they ever did was makeout, some heavy petting, and touching on her thigh and middle breasts. That was it. He respected her age and the fact she was a virgin.


The week was perfect, they spent all the time they could together, he would give her massages, and stay up late with her while on the cruise. The last day of the cruise was horrible, they promised each other to try and stay together even though they were going to be thousand of miles apart. She was heart broken. Her cousin thought she was crazy to even think this would even work out.


They stayed connected for about 2 more weeks after they left the ship, then one day it clicked to her that it just would not work out and they needed to move on with their lives. The only good thing is that they did stay in contact.


She was now about 19 years old and he was about 22 they were constantly talking and he offered to have me move in with him. Mind you he lived in Virginia, and she still lived in Miami. She was seriously considering moving up there, and looking at schools, and she even spoke to her mom about it. The conversation never was brought up again so that reality never happened.


Now it is about 4 years later, and they still kept in contact with each other, he has the same girlfriend for a few years, and she has a boyfriend who she loves as well. But she found out that he got married, and they still talk but it really hurts because he is still the kind hearted sweet person she never stopped talking to, and what matters is that she is still friends with him, but she cant seem to shake the feelings of the what if and why she feels soo conflicted regarding this guy. She is worried if she were to ever see him what feelings she had, because they never broke up on bad terms, they were forced to break up due to location. What do you suggest or advise for them? Why would she feel this way still after 9 years.


3 thoughts on “Conflicted

  1. To be brutal, if you’re just chatting online or on the phone, you can fantasise that this guy is just absolutely perfect, and no man in your life can live up to that.

    Or- go and see him again. What have you got to lose? Look into jobs nearby.

    For me, the fact that he is married would be the end of thinking of a relationship. He would have to chase me very hard to make me think of it again.

    If this is-
    you have captured the voice of the young woman beautifully. I believe in her.

  2. This was infact a mix of both just writing as well as personal. This did happen to me, I just never put it down on paper to just get everything out. I am aware of the reality and we both know that its best were friends than nothing at all. So we keep in touch and talk, his wife knows I speak to him, there is a line that never gets crossed. I also have a boyfriend of 3 years, I just decided to put this down on paper, and place it in the 3rd person.

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